Travelin Through

April 14, 2008 at 7:39 pm (about me)

I’m lovin this song of Dolly Parton… it speaks out of who I am now, indeed I am a traveler…a puzzle… everything that the song speaks of…

Travelin Through

Well I can’t tell you where I’m going, I’m not sure of where I’ve been
But I know I must keep travelin’ till my road comes to an end
I’m out here on my journey, trying to make the most of it
I’m a puzzle, I must figure out where all my pieces fit

Like a poor wayfaring stranger that they speak about in song
I’m just a weary pilgrim trying to find what feels like home
Where that is no one can tell me, am I doomed to ever roam
I’m just travelin’, travelin’, travelin’, I’m just travelin’ on

Questions I have many, answers but a few
But we’re here to learn, the spirit burns, to know the greater truth
We’ve all been crucified and they nailed Jesus to the tree
And when I’m born again, you’re gonna see a change in me

God made me for a reason and nothing is in vain
Redemption comes in many shapes with many kinds of pain
Oh sweet Jesus if you’re listening, keep me ever close to you
As I’m stumblin’, tumblin’, wonderin’, as I’m travelin’ thru

I’m just travelin’, travelin’, travelin’, I’m just travelin’ thru
I’m just travelin’, travelin’, travelin’, I’m just travelin’ thru

Oh sometimes the road is rugged, and it’s hard to travel on
But holdin’ to each other, we don’t have to walk alone
When everything is broken, we can mend it if we try
We can make a world of difference, if we want to we can fly

Goodbye little children, goodnight you handsome men
Farewell to all you ladies and to all who knew me when
And I hope I’ll see you down the road, you meant more than I knew
As I was travelin’, travelin’, travelin’, travelin’, travelin’ thru

I’m just travelin’, travelin’, travelin’, I’m just travelin’
Drifting like a floating boat and roaming like the wind
Oh give me some direction lord, let me lean on you
As I’m travelin’, travelin’, travelin’, thru

I’m just travelin’, travelin’, travelin’, I’m just travelin’ thru
I’m just travelin’, travelin’, travelin’, I’m just travelin’ thru

Like the poor wayfaring stranger that they speak about in song
I’m just a weary pilgrim trying to find my own way home
Oh sweet Jesus if you’re out there, keep me ever close to you
As I’m travelin’, travelin’, travelin’, as I’m travelin’ thru

🙂

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sisterhood

April 10, 2008 at 7:04 pm (thoughts)

I’m not the typical sweet eldest sister, I know I have a lot of misgivings when it comes to my sisters, I have been cold and stern whichI know have hindered them to open up and share with me. Was it our age gaps? Maybe.., but as time goes by, as they grew, one thing I’m thankful for is to be able to start reaching out to them, although it may seem gradual, at least there is progress…

I can never be the sweet “ate”, I will always be the “ate” who wants everything to be in order, the demanding “ate”, the moody and complicated to deal with “ate”, but one thing I can assure them is to be the “ate” who will dream with them, help them and guide them in every way that I can.

with yana

with hazel

us three

Another thing that I’m thankful for is for me to be in the state wherein I can help them and treat them once in a while..seeing them happy is all it takes for me to be happy as well… 🙂

us three

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i don’t want to believe…

April 10, 2008 at 6:51 pm (thoughts)

There is this person who seems so close to being the ideal one I can imagine being together with, though I  know that it is really impossible since we’re on different directions of life, but weird enough, every time that I seem to forget about this person, our paths will cross, we’ll surprisingly bumped into each other, and I have to admit it’s nice seeing the glittering smile on that person’s face, and I know that I myself is gleaming with such a unique smile of unidentified happiness. This person is a nice friend, though we never get to see each other that often, and I don’t think there will be something beyond our simple friendship, but sometimes, it came across me that anything could be possible, nonetheless, I’m avoiding myself to hope, I will always be happy whenever I see this person, and if all else permits us to bump with each other again and give us the chance to spend more time, then I think that will be a chance for me to know the answer to this uncertainty, it can really happen, but hoping might just left me with nothing, this is why I do not want to believe…

I just want to maintain the realism of reality… 🙂

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hollow…empty

April 6, 2008 at 7:41 pm (thoughts)

Recently, I do not understand myself, my mood changes drastically in an instant, I tend to become grumpier than ever, I easily get impatient and I whine a lot, yet there seems to be no problem. Sometimes, I would just sit quietly letting random thoughts soar in my mind, yet I do not have any focus. I tried my best to act normal, at home and at work, but I cannot avoid the sudden gush of loneliness. In a day, I would smile and laugh with my colleagues, I would crack jokes and tell stories with my siblings, then in a matter of a snap, my good mood will suddenly fade then I will keep quiet. As I lay in bed at night trying my best to get to sleep, I tend to feel this certain emptiness, I try to avoid it, yet it seems so powerful that I cannot get it out of my mind, it’s like I’m looking or hoping for something, yet I have no clue what that something is. I do not want to cry, I just let the feeling sink into my system until I delve into my deep slumber, but the next day, everything seems to happen again, I do my daily routine, deal with people, be in my pesky mood swings and try to sleep again with this strange feeling of emptiness. I hope this will not lead to depression, as I know I can handle my problems well, I just have to figure out what is happening to me, should I take time to reflect and trace myself? I don’t know, there are a lot of things that should preoccupy my time, but this feeling of emptiness has the ability to squeeze in no matter how hard I try to avoid it.

I hate this feeling of emptiness, I hate being hollow…

I need the drive to assert myself to push through and fight whatever this is, and I hope I will find that drive soon or else… 😦

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inevitability of death

April 3, 2008 at 4:18 pm (thoughts)

I was watching the movie “Poseidon” last night, and this certain thought hit me, how unexpected death can come. There was a scene in the movie, wherein the people are gathered in a ballroom, enjoying the merriment of welcoming the New Year, when all of a sudden a huge tide overtook the ship, turning it upside down, taking lots of lives away. Imagine if you’re there, enjoying a party then the next thing you knew, your about to face death, I know this is such an absurd thought, but it is reality. Death can really be in just a corner, it can be a deceitful being waiting to attack and take our precious lives.

I have always fear death, the thought of it just give me the creeps, then unconsciously, I cry whenever I’m deeply thinking of it. Just the thought of leaving my family is excruciatingly painful, what more if I will not be able to do all the things that I wanted to and what if I will not be able to fulfill my dreams. But, I know I have to accept the reality of death, for now, all my idea of death goes down to the notion of culmination, basically it will be the end of everything.

I do not have any idea of preparing myself, I know life has a lot of beautiful things in store for me, but what if something happened, and then it will be such a failure for me. If I die right now, it will totally be a wasteful death, I have not done a lot, there’s a lot in life for me to see, but the inevitability of death is something to keep in mind and there is nothing that we, humans can do to avoid it if our time has really come.

The absurdity of death can really let us down if we keep on thinking about it. On the other hand, death can be beautiful, especially for those who are suffering from extreme sickness, who just wants to be free from their agony. The idea of death should not let us down, it will always be a matter of living each day to the fullest, make the most of everything and not wasting time. The moment we opened our eyes the next day, we should thank God, and that every time we had the chance to live, we should always give it up to God’s glory.

I want to be positive, I want to live by my purpose, I want to live my life at its best, I want to achieve success and make all my dreams happen, and now that I still have my time, I will make the most of my chances and constantly hold heartfelt thanks to the Lord.

And if ever I will die, I want to die in peace, knowing that I have been the person that the Lord and my parents have wanted me to be.

Carpe diem! 🙂

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must do within the next 10 years…

April 2, 2008 at 8:18 am (thoughts, Uncategorized)

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Just a guide to live my life well, I hope I can accomplish all these 🙂

  1. Start a career
  2. Shed 20lbs
  3. Read a lot
  4. Go out more
  5. Watch concerts
  6. Ride on a gondola
  7. Do bunjee jumping
  8. Overcome fear in water
  9. Learn how to drive
  10. Forgive and forget
  11. Attend the holy mass weekly
  12. Buy my own house
  13. Buy my chevy
  14. Buy my SLR cam
  15. Visit relatives in Leyte
  16. Travel the Philippines
  17. Travel Asia
  18. Travel and work in Canada
  19. Travel the United States
  20. Travel Europe
  21. Have a dollar account
  22. Send my sisters to college
  23. Start a business
  24. Find my special someone
  25. Be happier than ever

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friends

April 2, 2008 at 7:36 am (thoughts)

“Friends come and friends go, it doesn’t matter if you only have a few, as long as all of them are true.”

As I lay awake last night, I simply cannot sleep, and again random thoughts soared in my mind, one thing I remembered was thinking of my friends.

I have always admitted that I am not the very friendly type, I am not an approachable person nor the “what-you-see-what-you-get” type, but knowing that I have real friends, I was able to prove that no matter what my personality is, as long as they considered me as a friend, then that’s definitely enough to say I have the greatest friends in the world, because no matter what, they have accepted the real me.

I believe in keeping distance from friends, from then, we all know we let each other grow and that there’s no certain attachment that should always hold us together, I basically believe it’s all a matter of trust and love to know that your friends are there for you.

I have bumped to so many people, made friends with them, but only a few whom I can consider true. There are friends you laugh with, you tell stories with, friends at work, at school or friends during our childhood years, but having true friends is essentially one of the best things that life can give us. I have to say I am so fortunate enough to have true friends, those whom I can’t only just jive or be merry with during happy moments, but those whom I can share even my darkest secrets or lowest points in life, those who criticizes when something is wrong, and those who make me feel so important that they support me in every way that they can. I am surely one lucky girl to have true friends, through good times and bad times, though there are some fights and arguments on the side, I think I share with them the most valuable relationships of my life. I can never ask for more and surely, my heart is full of endless gratitude.

I thank them for being with me, accepting me, loving me and making me happy, as a friend all I can ever do is to reciprocate or go beyond what they had given me. I don’t care if I do not have so many friends, what is important is I have the true ones, even if they are a few, I can consider them the rarest gems in my life, certainly, my life would be the dullest if it weren’t for them.

(This goes out for anie, mai, giselle and reycia :p love y’all!)

 

 

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Where do I go from here?

April 1, 2008 at 3:07 pm (about me)

After receiving my college diploma, all I felt were immense happiness and fear, I’m happy to be able to successfully finish my college, that after all my painstaking efforts, I was able to walk on the aisle, go up the stage and received my well-earned diploma, with this, I know that I have proved to my parents that I value education and the opportunity of earning it. From then on, after the graduation ceremony, as I woke up the next day, the first question that popped in my mind is: “Where do I go from here?”.

A few days after, I was on my way to the busy streets, going in and out of buildings and passing my resume, I even got hooked into on-line job applications, and it was such a blessing that after two weeks time, I signed up my very first job contract, there were mixed emotions actually, happiness, excitement, fear, reluctance and a lot of indescribable emotions, from there I started, I had a breezy period of adjusting, it is a blessing as well to get to work with extremely nice people. While working, my ultimate priority is to learn more and gain new experiences.

But, it is not always a cloud nine experience, some surprising, even shocking events happened which really affected and bothered me a lot, sometimes I just want to go away and find another place to work. In less than a year of working, I felt being complacent, and it disappointed me a lot, I am getting bored with the usual flow of things, I am impatient and I want more things to happen, which are apparently impossible right now, but where do I stand, to do something haphazardly or to wait patiently? As brave as I am, something holds me back, a lot of “what ifs” or “mights” to consider, should I have more patience? Or should I do something, I know everything is not easy and I am finding it difficult to figure out how to straighten the creases.

Again, the same question which popped to me just a year ago popped again: “Where do I go from here? “ , I am just so clueless right now, I do not even know what to do, I’m weighing things but it seems that I have no path right now. Am I at a crossroad? It is a year after my graduation, maybe it’s too early to worry or to be in such a hurry, what I hold on to right now, is the cliché but a fact that everything happens for a reason, I’ll just hold on to my faith, continue to do my best and I guess I’ll be leaving everything to the Almighty, I know everything will fall into their right places, and maybe I need to experience deeper learning as well.

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I don’t know if I was looking for love…

April 1, 2008 at 2:34 pm (about me)

At my age right now, I still can assert that I haven’t fallen in love, at 21, I feel so young, so vibrant and I believe there’s a lot for me that the world can offer, with having so much outlook in life and in the future, I have been so unconscious in one aspect of my life…which is having someone, someone special…

I know a lot of people who are happy or have been experiencing problems in their love life, but as a friend, all I can do is listen and give advices if needed, but at some point or another, I came about thinking, what if I have been in their situation, how can I handle such? Will I still be the same strong person if ever I get hurt? Or will I be happier if I have someone?

What I think is, I’m complete, I don’t feel the need for someone, I have my family and friends to make me happy, I have so much to do in life,  I don’t want to sound so cold-hearted neither emotionless nor conceited, I still question myself as to why I have this certain perceptions. Or maybe I have this belief that it will all be up to my woman’s intuition as to who will be the ideal one for me and as to when I will commit myself into a relationship, when will it be, that I do not know…

I know I have forgone a lot of good chances of being loved, I just haven’t felt anything mutual nor special with anyone, with all these bewilderment, I admit that I’m hoping to find the right one and for him to find me, I am not in any hurry, I will always be willing to wait, as for now, I’ll just go on and be thankful with my happy life, and if that someone comes along, then I guess I’ll be happier and more thankful… c:

I wonder why girls think like this :p

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