down to pieces…

August 23, 2009 at 2:16 am (thoughts)

Life is screwing more, everything’s going fine, until some things just keep getting into my nerves and affecting my system, I can no longer endure the struggle of dragging myself to do things because I “have” to do them and not because I “want” to do them….

There’s a universal difference of “have to” and “want to” and it awfully annoys me to be stuck in situations wherein I have no choice but to do what I “ought” to do…

I have no drive, no passion, no will power to do well and excel. I used to be the kind of person who hates complacency, but here I am discovering my new stagnant, unmoved and nonchalant being, waiting for some things to end. I’m so young to see everything in front of me flushing down the drain; I’m clueless how to continue and how to make things work.

I’m just so sad. I want to be great, I want to be successful, but how the hell am I going to be such if things keeps me from being one. This has been one of my most depressing phases of life, and I seriously wish for its end, before things get totally dead worst.

I want to sleep in infinite slumber. Never have to wake up again in the scrutiny of cruel happenings.

I want to see a happy me, a genuinely happy me, which I have not seen for quite some time.

I want to be of worth again.

This feeling makes me neglect the beauty of other things, I totally appreciate the people in my life who constantly push me, and I loathe those who keep pulling me down.

I’m stuck in the middle of balance. I’m in a serious major problem. I am starting to hate life but at the same time I love it, and why can’t it just be the latter. I am just simply fed up with the misfires.


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