into the drain…

September 6, 2010 at 8:30 am (Uncategorized)

At one point I thought I was happy, but I realized I’m just pretending to be 😦

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been a while…

April 29, 2010 at 2:57 pm (Uncategorized)

It has been a few months back, where life seems to be simplier that it was…I’m now in a place, thousands of  miles away from home, trying to search who I wanna be, I have sacrificed a lot, even the happiness of being with the one I love…
Life has been tough, crying all day has been a habit, but I ain’t gonna give up, I made my way up to here and perhaps I can make all things work….
Lord please grant me      patience and more steadfast  will, make me driven, make  me stronger, help me find  my way up there, I have  nothing to hold on to but  YOU….

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what to do…what to do…

November 21, 2009 at 4:44 am (Uncategorized)

while pondering on this:

I’m a superstitious girl
I’m the worst in the world
Never walk under ladders
I keep a rabbits’ tail
I’ll take you up on a dare
Anytime, anywhere
Name the place, I’ll be there
Bungee jumping, I don’t care

Life, oh life
Oh life, oh life
Life, oh life
Oh life, oh life

Life

So after all’s said and done
I know I’m not the only one
Life indeed can be fun
If you really want to
Sometimes living out your dreams
Ain’t as easy as it seems
You wanna fly around the world
In a beautiful balloon

What I have been waiting for is just a few sleeps away, I can finally decide what to do next or where to go from here…So many options, I’m having extreme difficulty choosing, will I go there or some other place, or will I stay, or should I keep my foundation or explore a new one…I am at lost again…

I’m happy, excited, with just the thought of starting a new milestone and leaving a dreaded past, I’ll start anew, build up my career and gear up to start my plans…

I’m scared, what if things won’t work as exactly as how I planned or want them to…what about the people around me…

I’m still on a bumpy ride and no one knows how the hell I’ll be able to manage…I’m just praying for constant guidance and support, hopefully the big GUY up there will backed me up as always…

Just some random thoughts lingering in mind…looking forward to another adventure, still has a lot of unanswered questions and new ideas…
I need enlightenment, I need support, please Lord just be there and I’ll be fine 🙂

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♥♥♥

October 9, 2009 at 12:37 pm (thoughts)

“Nobody knows the beautiful heights of our journey. But we do. We do. And I love every step of this journey with you.”

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“When there is love in my life, there is you.”

“Being with you makes my life MORE special to me.”

“The one I love is all I need…The one I love is you.”

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Food for the undriven soul….

August 23, 2009 at 2:41 am (anything goes)

Since I am so down and upset on how some things are going, I will never let myself be destroyed and be totally shattered to pieces. I would love to see myself up and running again….it’s a good thing that one day, my grandma, brought this book for me to read. Something different to read, to stop and reflect and embrace some life’s learning…

Boss 4 cover studies.indd

And below are some of the author’s (Bo Sanchez) spills which inspired me…I’ll keep this in mind as I wait for my new beginning…

“As you focus and work on your dream, you grow as big as your dream. As you grow your dream, you also keep growing. As you expand your dream, you also keep expanding.”

“If you’re alive, why not be really alive?”

“Complaining accomplishes nothing.

Complaining is useless.”

“People cannot give what they don’t have. If you don’t respect yourself, love yourself, and meet your needs for joy, how can you do the same for others?”

“If you want to be successful, follow simple directions.”

“People who complain will get more of what they’re complaining about.”

“Your greatest curse can turn to be your greatest blessing.”

“No matter what trials come, keep doing the good you’re supposed to do.”

“Your life may be a desert now but your greatness is within you, waiting to be unearthed.”

“Blame robs you of your power to determine your life.”

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down to pieces…

August 23, 2009 at 2:16 am (thoughts)

Life is screwing more, everything’s going fine, until some things just keep getting into my nerves and affecting my system, I can no longer endure the struggle of dragging myself to do things because I “have” to do them and not because I “want” to do them….

There’s a universal difference of “have to” and “want to” and it awfully annoys me to be stuck in situations wherein I have no choice but to do what I “ought” to do…

I have no drive, no passion, no will power to do well and excel. I used to be the kind of person who hates complacency, but here I am discovering my new stagnant, unmoved and nonchalant being, waiting for some things to end. I’m so young to see everything in front of me flushing down the drain; I’m clueless how to continue and how to make things work.

I’m just so sad. I want to be great, I want to be successful, but how the hell am I going to be such if things keeps me from being one. This has been one of my most depressing phases of life, and I seriously wish for its end, before things get totally dead worst.

I want to sleep in infinite slumber. Never have to wake up again in the scrutiny of cruel happenings.

I want to see a happy me, a genuinely happy me, which I have not seen for quite some time.

I want to be of worth again.

This feeling makes me neglect the beauty of other things, I totally appreciate the people in my life who constantly push me, and I loathe those who keep pulling me down.

I’m stuck in the middle of balance. I’m in a serious major problem. I am starting to hate life but at the same time I love it, and why can’t it just be the latter. I am just simply fed up with the misfires.

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my 4th of July….

July 9, 2009 at 4:27 pm (about me)

I am always happy when people remember my birthday, I am deeply touched and amazed that no matter how busy they were, no matter how far they are and no matter how long we haven’t seen each other, they still remember to greet me…

Though I despise adding a year to my age, I am happy at the same time, to be with the same people whom I celebrate my birthday with…and it’s pretty cool as well to spend the same birthday with my dad….

I have to admit, I can consider myself in deep sh*t, work is not going well for me, but come to think about it, it’s just one aspect which I shouldn’t solely focus unto, I have other things to mind about and to give much importance….

As I turned 23, I am indeed very thankful, I am always grateful for the breathe of life, and no matter how tough things can be, I know I can manage, I can deeply feel the ardent flame of God’s strength in me…

I just wanted to give thanks to God and to my dear loved ones who never fail to back me up, I have turned a year older and indeed a year wiser…. I constantly believe that my dreams will soon be far-fetched 🙂

and oh, to add up, this has been one of my extra special and sweetest birthday by far…

thanks to the man who made my life more colorful…

bday-1

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random thoughts (5)

June 20, 2009 at 2:38 pm (thoughts)

pissed

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random thoughts (4)

June 19, 2009 at 5:22 pm (anything goes)

Life seems to suck again,
Very much disappointed and frustrated…
No progress is evident…
Still complacent…
Feeling bad..and getting worst each day…
Sooner or later may falter….
Might even break and fall….

Wanting to get out of such place….
Wanting to be happy….

Struggling…
Holding on to what was left…

Till when?
That will remain unanswered.

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father’s day

June 19, 2009 at 5:14 pm (Uncategorized)

father’s day is just around the corner….

so here’s one for you daddy….

Your’re never the usual father, the one who would show so much care for a daughter. You never get too involved, you never get into my way. I sometimes hate you for being nonchallant, and being so carefree, but I love you because I’ve learned so much more. I learned to stand when I fall, I learned not to shed a tear when I get hurt, I learned to be brave and most of all I learned to watch after myself. I have a lot of things which I desire to do, and I know that despite of not sharing, I know you will just be there to back us up. Parenting at a young age is definitely tough, and I totally understand why you are different compared to the conventional fathers out there, but despite of that, I can feel your genuine and unconditional love for our family.
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I dearly love  you in my own way…..
Happy Father’s day! 🙂

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